Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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