I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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