I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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