Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
