the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
