Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
