I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
