He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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