I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have already put on my inside pants.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
