do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
