I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize