Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize
