So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
