is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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