she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
