look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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