The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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