Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
