and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
