If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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