He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
