God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
