I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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