watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
