Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
