I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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