Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
