How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
