Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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