Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
