Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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