Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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