wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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