OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
