...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
