actually, I'm a sock model
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
