He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
