Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
