So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
