Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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