i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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