NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
