i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
