He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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