a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
