please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
