If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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