Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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