So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i think my cat just said my name.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I party with great urgency now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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