For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
