they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
