my phone needs a breathalizer
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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