You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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