you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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