my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
