she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
