I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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