3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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