made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
