NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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