hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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